My Child: A Teenager, An Addict ... A Beautiful Son
Long Valley mom shares memories of a child lost too soon.
There is no stronger love than what a mother has for her child. The love is powerful and deep.
My son was my greatest joy. He was a true boy in every sense of the word. He loved camping, playing sports, enjoyed Boy Scouts. He had a gift in painting and music. He had blond hair and blue eyes. He cared for everyone and always welcomed any new student in school, making them feel welcomed and part of his school’s family. He had a heart as large as the sky.
This could be any mother's story about her son.
The world as I knew it changed forever the day I found out my son was using drugs.
How? Why? Where? When?
Question after question arose. It was addressed and consequences were given. But, unfortunately, it just continued. Many days I thought we were on the right road, only to find out we were not.
The drugs started out with going to friends' homes and drinking. Like a cancer it spread. Friends would have pills, then LSD, mushrooms, etc. At that point he was an addict with no money, but still needing the drugs.
My son was introduced to heroin. It was cheap at only $4 a bag. And it was everywhere. By taking away his cell phone and computer and monitoring his messages, I found that the volume of kids using was shocking.
I was alone on this ugly road trying to find help. It was not out there. My son told me he didn’t want to use but his body needed it. As I later learned, using heroin just one time gives you two options: You either love it or hate it. Most addicts love it. It becomes their best friend. Now I know why it’s called the dead-end drug.
As a mother, I did things that I should not have done. And I did not do things I should have done. Why? Because I didn’t know. There was no place I could go for help.
After four years, my son hit bottom. He went into rehab for 12 months and intensive outpatient for six months. Finally he was clean. He was going to college, working, enjoying a drug-free life. I remember one day at dinner he said, “Mom, I never thought the world was this beautiful." I had my son back. The hell we walked through was gone. My son's life was filled with hope. His eyes were as blue as the sky, and there was so much he wanted to do.
For two years he was clean. He would always be an addict; this much I knew. But with much reading and researching, we were educated. He had the tools he needed and I had all the information I needed. Life was good.
Two years later there was a knock on my door. It was two police officers and a priest. This is the knock no parent wants. I was told my son died. It was an overdose at a house in Long Valley.
What happened? How could this happen? My beautiful boy was gone. The pain I cannot find the words for. There is a large part of me that will forever be gone. My son, my beautiful son. The world lost so much that he wanted to give. The case is still being investigated.
My reason for writing this article is that I feel there is a need in this town for awareness. We no longer have the D.A.R.E. program. We have parent meetings at the schools, but we need more. It is my wish to have a place for parents who need help, someone to talk to, answer questions. We have a problem that, with much help, we can solve. But we need to recognize it first.
Laura Geise, the author of this column and member of the Long Valley Patch Moms Council, invites any parent or child to reach out to her for help. All information will be private. For any comments or questions, please email Laura at LauraPatch1@gmail.com.
judi
1:46 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
My thoughts and prayers go out to Laura and the loss of her son. I have to agree with her last statement in her story-" We need to reconize it first". A lot of people think that the Washington Township/Long Valley community is immuned to the drug problem-but the truth is that it is a big problem here, probably bigger than alot of us know. Hopefully with more help, parent input and the Patch Moms Council, we can get our kids on the right track.
Kelly Holmquist
2:16 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This has been a problem in our area since I was at Mendham High School in the early '80's. Wherever there is money, there are drugs. Parents need to know that the kids who do drugs in Long Valley, or any surrounding town, are normal, popular, smart, attractive, outgoing kids with a lot of friends. Drugs these days are not for the loners, the losers, the kids who don't pass their classes, they are being used by the least conspicuous kids.
KC
3:22 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Thank you for your courage in sharing this painful story with the public, it is a story that needs to be heard. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful son and hope that your words reach someone who in turn may be spared.
amom
5:00 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
This story brought tears to my eyes. My heart breaks for Laura and the pain she has had to endure. I have two daughters at WMC, and the things they tell me shock me. Never think it can't happen here because it can and does. We need to bond together as a community and keep our eyes open to what is really going on, even if we don't want to see it.
Jamie
8:11 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I cried while reading this. It brings back such pain to my heart. My baby sister is a recovering heroin addict. She is 20 months clean but the reality is that in one second she can go back. It's the worse pain a loved one can endure, to see someone we cannot help and to dread that terrible knock on the door. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. You did all that you could and I hope you have found peace knowing that you could do nothing to prevent this. When I was at WMC, heroin was HUGE and I graduated in 1997. It IS very prevalent in Long Valley, I have seen more young people than I can count succumb to the disease of addiction. It can happen to anyone, we are a "normal" family with no major issues but the disease of addiction struck my sister and it took us all down with her. Laura, my prayers go out to you and your family. Parents, educate yourselves and be involved in your children's life, know who their friends are, what they are doing, who they are with, where they go. Being educated on their lives is not the same as controlling their lives and involving yourself could save your child's life.
Anonymous
9:57 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I read another article on 'Patch' that at the last budget meeting Cheif Bailey proposed a K-9 Unit to the township commitee. From what I read, he has an officer with a fully trained dog and has all the expenses donated so it won't cost anything to the township. A K-9 Unit is a great way to fight this town's drug problem and it will bring the police back into schools when the dog does presentations. The proposal is set to go before the town council at the workshop meeting, Febuary 16th at 7:30 pm. This sounds like something you would be interested in, if the commitee approves it. You should attend the meeting and voice your story so they do not throw this opportunity away and cost another mother their child. My prayers go out for your family.
LVMom
4:19 pm on Wednesday, February 2, 2011
This is what we need. This would definitely be a deterrent. So many parents are caught off guard. We all want to think.. not our kids. I truly think we need the help of the police to put fear into our kids. It's not just knowing what your kids are doing and who they are with. There are too many kids in town who are doing it! As a community we need to ban together for our kids. I'd like to go to this Feb 16th meeting. Anyone know if it is open to the public?
My heart breaks for the family and her beautiful son.
Make A Difference
10:12 pm on Tuesday, February 1, 2011
There will be a workshop meeting of the Washington Township Committee at 7:30 pm on February 16, 2011 for a vote to approve the institution of a canine unit to the Washington Township Police Force. A patrol officer bought, trained and certified the dog in narcotic searches, locating missing persons and building searches, etc. at no cost to the Township. There will be no cost to the residents of the Township related to the canine unit as donations are already in place. The residents will only benefit by the presence of a canine unit patrolling on a regular basis, especially in the area of reducing drugs to the kids in the area. Attend the meeting and make your voices heard, this is an important step in bringing the police department and community together. Get the word out and make a difference in a child's life.
Louis C. Hochman
2:00 pm on Wednesday, February 2, 2011
All ... we've posted a related item, asking how you talk to your kids about drugs and alcohol: http://patch.com/A-dHJ3
Jason Koestenblatt
4:36 pm on Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Jina Fay Oveissi - Yes, the meeting on Feb. 16th is open to the public. It begins at 7:30 p.m. at the municipal building. All government meetings are, and it would be great to see more residents come out and voice their opinions.
Thanks for your comment!
Roseann Constantino
5:36 pm on Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I too also lost my beautiful son in 2004, he was 23 yrs old. He also took numerous drugs as a teenager, I was always on his back about it. He finally got hooked on heroin. He also was in rehab which worked only for awhile. I also took him numerous times to the ER for an almost drug overdose, the hospitals do not have any mercy for drug users., tust me, I experienced this first hand. I called and looked high and low for places to send him so he could stay and get help.
I found the costs were unreal. He finally stopped and then decided to work out and be a body builder, he looked great and I was so thankful that he wasn't on drugs but then he started taking steroids and that was just as bad. He was engaged to get married and everything was looking good, but to my shock I did not know he went back on heroin and ended up in an ER that I did not know about and they let him go and the next morning he was dead. I really want to understand why parents no matter what age your children are if they are on drugs and are brought to the ER, parents should be notified. It was so hard to see my son on drugs, I would check on him at night to make sure he was breathing. I would also fine him in a stupor on the toliet seat. I am a strong person, but seeing my son on drugs made me feel helpless and full of fear , it is the worse torment to a parent and to the user. I do take offense when I hear the word junkie, just remember that person is someones son, or brother.
LVMom
9:40 am on Thursday, February 10, 2011
So very sad. My heart goes out to you Roseann and your son. That feeling of helplessness and fear is too common to many parents. I can relate.
As mentioned above: There will be a workshop meeting of the Washington Township Committee at 7:30 pm on February 16, 2011 for a vote to approve the institution of a canine unit to the Washington Township Police Force.
Please come.. and tell your friends as well. I truly believe something like this could be a deterent for those who are bringing drugs into the schools. Just reading the comments we can see that your story is all too familiar for parents and kids in Long Valley. This is just a small sample of what's really going on.
God bless your son and God bless you for sharing your story.
Janen L. Ardia Broker RE/MAX Heritage Properties
7:41 pm on Friday, September 21, 2012
A heartfelt letter written by Ms. Geise that touches every parent's heart. Thank you for your courage and for sharing your story. Addiction is a terrible disease and knows no boundaries; economically, emotionally and circumstantial, and she is so right, you have to know what your children are doing.
Addiction is at epidemic proportions and only through education and a keen awareness can we begin to bring this disease out of hiding and into the open for everyone to recognize. It doesn't matter whether your town is affluent or not, addiction runs rampant through all of the communities.
So encouraged by the pro active stance that the Township is taking to increase awareness and erasing the shame that has accompanied addiction for so many years.
Again, thank you to both Ms. Geise and Ms. Constantino for your emotions, your insight and your encouragement for parents and families trying to make sense of this unwelcome trespasser into their families.
My prayers are with you, both.
Dina
8:54 pm on Saturday, September 22, 2012
It is my belief that alcohol &drug counseling should be available on school. The unfortunate truth is two fold, first no one wants to own the truth of the extent of the problem, two, our politicians do mot want to pay for it. A canine dog is such a small deterrent of one at all. Alcohol & drug addiction is so destructive to not only our children but the community as a whole. If an individual is going to work at recovery they need the full on support of their family & the community.